so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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