He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
