If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
