the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
