nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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