hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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