so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
