just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
