you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
