Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
