Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
