I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
