Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
