Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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