Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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