You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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