Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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