tell your sister to shave her snatch
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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