My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
