somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
