Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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