mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I will die if light touches me.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
