he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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