You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
