Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
