I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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