dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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