Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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