so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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