Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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