her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
