Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
