I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
