Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
