So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
