"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
