"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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