I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
