I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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