whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
