bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
