He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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