Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
