you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she pinky promised me she was 18
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
