Who wears a wallet chain?!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
