Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
