I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
