Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Found the puke drawer
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
