Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
