I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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