The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
