My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's always time for handjobs
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
