Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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