I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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