Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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