we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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