time to smoke my breakfast
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
