the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
