someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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