On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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